To Know #2 (Lost at See)

The moment I think I have a grasp 
on something, 
I get a glimpse and then it changes, 
everything, 
and I begin again, far from within, reaching, 
learning.
However, knowing is half the cure 
and this I'm sure, 
I devour Huuuuh-errrr 
and all of that name. 
Not just with lies 
but with my eyes 
before I know her name. 
Inviting her, biting her 
softly with teeth of another name. 
Like a carnivore I cut through 
finite flesh with a flash of a retinal picture. 
I then taste her, drink her and bathe her 
in an ocean of saline liqueur.
Now, if I were to blink an eye 
and she were to sink or pass me by, 
I think I'd be afraid to close them again 
cause thoughts flicker and flash, 
images move fast, 
and I d be left to begin again. 
Yet, to begin once more on the shore like my 
father before 
had no appeal for me. 
I'd rather be cast afloat with nothing but a boat 
with no-one accept me.
Was it time to abandon, her, the land and where 
I'm from, 
to seek my own place that had no trace of 
whence I come? 
And if I refused to admit more than a bit, 
my denial and submit the choice to forget 
of what's behind Her is before me 
my desire might blind me 
like a veil in my sail through life. 
Well then, with that I defend, my decision to end 
my connection to the wheel and 
hope time will peel the pain I feel in my strife.
I ask yous (sic), don't I have to pay my dues or 
lose the ability to choose 
and achieve my destiny? 
Or maybe it is an inheritance of my innocence or 
my ignorance 
I can't spend, send or receive while at sea. 
Now hold it, wait a minute, is that my fate 
in wanting to be free? 
I create a mess and in the process II lose us, 
Her, my mother and me.
What have I done, as Her son by remembering 
to 
forget? 
I must have raped Her and consumed Her in a 
gamble and a bet. 
Before I knew, what ensued was an internal feud 
of what I thought was me. 
It was too late for concern and I needed to learn 
that in its turn I orphaned me.
As that lost child out of touch I was adopted and 
told so much 
yet asked very little. 
I couldn't decide, Pater (Latin for Father) took me 
on a ride, 
somewhere far from the self. 
He commandeered the ship and as Captain He shot from the hip 
making us all disable. 
Everything said came from Pater's head 
and this did nothin but belittle. 
Saying, "To know the prize is to open your eyes 
and solve the riddle." 
Yet, until I blink I can not think 
of what Pater really knew 
cause with eyes wide the truth was easy to hide 
right in front of you. 
We weren't blind, we just couldn't find 
what was fake and what was true. 
So is it possible Pater was irresponsible 
to me as well and orphaned us two? 
While the few who knew, had more then a clue, 
you were more like me. 
As for me it was hard to see, 
what Pater did to you he did to me. 
And for us to realize that to open our eyes, 
we had to close them. 
This we never knew, how could we, me or you, 
as we had to listen to Him. 
To try and open the almighty book with a critical 
second look 
wasn't easy, 
cause we couldn't question if "fact was more like 
fiction" 
in a timeless fantasy. 
Either was finding the time to flip a Canadian 
dime 
and sailor salute the old dame. 
You see, the systems they use, their values and 
rules 
were much the same. 
To coin another phrase these days, 
"who flipped who and who caught me?"I watched the money land in the palm of my hand 
but who caught me? 
Heads or tails, masks or veils, 
who I was just didn't matter. 
Was I lost, am I found, is the truth ever around 
before and after?
This gave Pater the cue to say he knew the 
answers to, 
time and all that well hid. 
"But the measure of time is to hard to define 
in the eye of a kid."
So with these orphaned eyes I own I realize I'm 
alone 
and look to ease my fear. 
What I forgot is more than I've got, 
its what I have to remember here. 
Still, nowhere is somewhere I'd rather be, 
because, that was just where Pater wants me tobe, 
filling a void alone, with solitude on loan for free.
Hold it right there, stop and stare. 
Now I have to ask, was he fair, 
does he really care? 
Do I need to listen anyway 
to what he has to say? 
Can't I see enough of me anyway? 
All right, okay, right now, today, 
I am going my own way. 
His mission I abort and sail from his port 
on a sea of fears. 
Drifting into my eyes and away from Pater lies 
and into Her tears. 
As I struggled to swim as far away from Him 
I began to notice. 
It was hard yet I started to witness, 
her wetness and softness that swelled with solace.
That's it, She's coming clear, just a bit. 
No, really, I'm starting to see even more of it. 
I'm remembering now and seeing how
it reminds me of an intimate space. 
I'm listening now and listening to how 
this beats of a familiar place. 
Shhh, quiet. I have to listen, 
I have to listen deeper 
to the drum beat louder and louder 
with each breath new 
into the endless darkness 
behind Her 
and in front of me to. 
I'm sure this is where I'll find, 
outside my mind 
the place of my mirth 
then I'd begin once more 
looking for 
the place of my birth. 
Now if I begin remembering 
and seeing 
that Pater lead me astray 
will I ever lose my way? 
The reason I ask, 
out from behind the mask 
is cause I know no other way. 
You see, alone I am left to face all that I do, 
and when I do 
thoughts will flicker and flash away. 
It then becomes hard to see, 
distinguishing Her from me 
in all I've done. 
And even if I discover, 
this as well as my mother 
do I cease to be an orphan? 
Or do I remain lost 
at my own cost 
and drown in Her tears 
and seeing nowhere to run 
to have fun under the sun, 
I am left to face my fears?

I'll only know then 
and begin again 
if I dare to care and care to dare 
to blink an eye. 
But first I have to close them 
and if I am afraid to open them, 
I must try. 
And if Pater passes me by, 
I must let go and say good bye.
To begin again is to remember where we 
began.if I dare to care and care to dare 
to blink an eye. 
But first I have to close them 
and if I am afraid to open them, 
I must try. 
And if Pater passes me by, 
I must let go and say good bye.
To begin again is to remember where we 
began.
To know is to begin letting go again and again
The moment I think I have a grasp on something,
it changes
and I begin,
again 
Reaching
Learning.